1 week left of my Last Christmas Break!

I should be done with School before next Christmas.  Hoowah!

I have alot to do-only 7 days left where I can get away with sleeping till 1 in the afternoon, and 7 days to try and get ahead on my procedure notebook/drug cards.  Oy.  And in 7 days I'll get to get back into a weekly rhythm.  Oy.  I'm, gonna be tired/pooped, but I'm pumped!  Bring it on semester from heck, your gonna be a blurry busy blast and before i know it, you'll be over, and I'll be getting married!  Hoowah!

21 yrs done!

I had a birthday yesterday-and in the terms of the world its a big one.  I got the fancy license that goes side ways like the rest of the world, meaning I'm and adult adult (as opposed to when you become an "adult" at 18.  Whats crazy is that so much is up in the air right now.  I want to make plans but the plans I want to make require a partner in crime, but that partner is having commital issues.  I want to just go to work when I'm done with school, but I also want to drive the tour busses, and i want to get my associates, and I want to go to Idaho and get a bachelors in Dance.  :P  So, Idk.  Here's to oppourtunies, here's to adventures, here's to desicions and heres to undetermined plans.  I've always put all my eggs in one basket certain that that is the plan for me, but I think now is the one time in life when I'll be able to spread them around.  Check out different baskets or maybe more than one.  Its both empowering and exciting.  For the short term though, here's to getting my certificate, and taking a ballet class!

Long Story Short:

I'm an optimist, a Ballroom Dancer, Big sister, a friend, a goofball, a student, a dreamer, and I'm a mormon.




Friend was talking to me, suggested I make one of those profiles on mormon.org. This is as far as I've gotten so far. I'll let you know when I have the rest of it together.

What I'm thankful for this year: (in no particular order)

Adorable little Brother Liam
Adorable Little Sister Elyse
My mommy
Rulon
Robin
Amanda
Jordan
Clara
Travis
Kimmie
Rhea
Oppourtunities to go visit Grampa, Grama's Elmer and Johnson, and Dad's site.
The oppoutunity I had to work for Uncle Sid in California nannying Alex
Human Anatomy-its cool stuff!
Medical Assisting Program/knowing what I'm doing with my education and career!!
Modern Medicine (allergy shots, Liam's hospital visits) and the health care team!
Ballroom Dance Club of Fairbanks
Artisans Courtyard teaching oppourtunity (even though it didn't really work out, I learned alot while using the space for teaching shelly)
Stefani Borrego
Melody Debenham
Abbey Tsigonis
Ariel Cheney
Jennifer Kendall
Krystal Duval
Brittani Sunderlund
Wendy Madsen
Randi Ellingson
Missionaries
The Gospel of Jesus Christ
Temples
The Preisthood
Sealing Ordinance
Uncle Dennis getting sealed to his family
Roses
Pres Duval, Pres Olsen, Bro Maynes and all other church leadership
Lori Moser
Scriptures
Red Wood Forrests
LaMyrl Sandholtz
Family History
Good Music
Dance
Baking
Balloons
Christmas Lights
Mountains
Vehicles
Good Shoes
Warm Clothes
Friends near and far (I love you even if your name was not specifically mentioned.)
Family Near and Far (Again, I love you even if you were not individually named)
Federal Student Loans
The Dividend
Pumpkins
Airplanes
Pools on Hot Days
Indexing
Good Books
Good Movies
Visiting Teaching
Munch n Mingle
Church Choir
Cousins
Family Home Evening
People who adopt Kitties
Sherry Wolf
Penny Tibbs
Christa Barttlet
I love you notes on my bed
Health
Excersise Facitlities
Hot Water
Technology
Pumpkin Pie
Beautiful Weather
Family Recipes
Instant Recipes
Warm House
Alaska
Patch Adams
Old Roommates
Stephanie Quintana



Theres lots more-but I'm getting sleepy.  So, Goodnight!  Happy Thanksgiving!

Patch Adams

What an Inspiring Guy.  I wasn't sure what to expect when I went to his -lecture? today, but it was amazing.  I was in tears in a few spots.  Just overwhelmed with a sense of caring for his cause and the people he meets.  You could tell he was genuine-and his ideas are so idealistic.  He really beleives in his cause and labors for it, its a labor of love.  I think Robin Williams did an excellent portrayal of his essence-his sense of curiosity and love and compassion for other humans.  He's not immune to reality-he just sees the world through a broader lens that allows him to care for the individual.  I wrote so much of what he said down-I wish I had a recording of the evening.  I hope that whenever I start my career-and that whomever I come into contact with, I can share a sense of love and concern for them.

Patch said he never said "Laughter is the best medicine"  But that "Friendship is the best medicine-and laughter, humor is a means to make that friendship."  It was wonderful.  And I will forever cherish his wisdom in my heart, and strive to be a little more positive, a little more happy, a little more concerned and a little more caring with everyone I meet.  Thank you Mr Adams!

Other Than that, today was also fun, because we had our first real snow (didn't stick around much, but it was definately there.)  On my lunch break from Classes I went home to find lysie in her snowcoat, boots, snowpants, mittens, the whole regalia.  So I joined her and we tossed some small, puny snowballs around, but had oh so much fun!  

Strength

I am strong.  I am beautiful.  I am smart.  I am unique.  I dance, I sing.  I am curious, I am my own sort of creative and I can make people laugh and feel good about themselves.  These are the good things about me.  I know theres some not good things about me to.  But to give myself the break that I deserve I don't focus on those.  I try consitently to do better, to be better-not because thats what the world wants me to do but because thats what I want to do.  I want to learn to play the piano, I want to finnish college, I want to be more compassionate, I want to be healthier, more independant, more pulled together and better at managing my time.  I believe that life is about improving and progressing.  I am not perfect, and I will not be perfect try as hard as I might-and I'm okay with that.  While I'm not perfect-I still try to be, because striving for perfection is how I attain the best I can be.   But if I fail, its not the end the world as I know it because I know its a goal I'm not capable of acheiving.  I don't use that as an excuse to mediocrity though, or as a reason to throw a pity party (you know the people who say "I'm not all that I wanted or thought I would be so wo is me, pity party!").  I accept the reality in the truth of who I am,  what I'm doing, and whats at the top of my ladder.  That allows me to focus on what I need to do, what I need to change, and as I commit my efforts to that change I find my own peace of mind knowing I'm doing what I can, and that I'm trying.  Thats my best and thats what matters.

I'm persoanlly tired of seeing women I know saddened because you don't feel beautiful, you don't feel like you measure up, or you don't feel like you fit in.  What you need is to stand up for yourself to yourself.  Then you can worry about confronting the people who belittle you and complicate your efforts to happiness.  Be honest with yourselves about all that you are-beautiful, strong, enduring, hardworking-and just keep chugging along through your tough circumstances.  Noone has been through what you've been through except our saviour.  If you could honestly see yourself and everything you do and have done, you would know that you are so much more than you think.  You are fabulous and beautiful, you do fit in, and you do measure up.

My September 11, 2010

Today was beautiful.  I woke up, got dressed (which I really didn't feel like getting out of my jammies, so it was a big deal, thus it gets to be listed in the days activities), got a haircut, then spent a glorious fall afternoon in Nature with my darling Travis.  I've been saying every weekend, "We need to go outside while the weather is still good" And so finally, the weather was PERFECT and the leaves are a beautiful golden.  So we went to Chena Lakes-but past where you turn off to go to the lakes but farther down the main road to where theres a beautiful river campsite and a few walking trails.  Oh, I just can't say enough, but it was beautiful.  There, we threw rocks in the water like little kids-Travis can throw then reallly high and really far (hit the sign on the other side of the river, or threw them really high so they would make cool sounds when the fell into the water, like "THWOOPM") and he's really good at skipping rocks-I've said it once and I'll say it again, I'm easy to please!  I loved it!

Other than that, he made me some dinner, and we watched a movie.  It was a great day.

Kinda Ironic given the anniversary of today, 9/11.......but I think its a perfect example of how God gives us tender mercies.  Beautiful weather and sunshine to light up the shadows and open our eyes to all the beauties and blessings still extended and offered to us.

Relax

Day one of Medical Assisting Program went VERY well.  I'm excited!  It'll be hard, but-its good and exciting and I feel like I'm doing something purposeful and important.   And, today I got my first pair of scrubs, they are SO comfortable.  I can't wait till tuesday!  Also, I did my first independant teaching expirience-so now I'm not so scared to do the next one.  So, now I'm headed forward full steam-only a little nervous about the challenges I'll be facing academically, creatively, professionally-This semester is really going to stretch my comfort zones, my talents and my abilities and time management skills!

So to start practicing now, have a good night, I'm off to bed!

Its a new month

So, to finnish off July-I had a crummy week and a crummy attitude.  But, it is now a new month and a new week (on the same day-I always love when the 1st of any month is on a Sunday) and I'm determined to have a better attitude.  Life goes on.  Plus, the fair starts friday-and thats always fun fun fun!  And I should have my textbooks within the next 10 days-and Travis gets home some time soon.......don't know when but it will be soon!

I always need a reminder

When challenges arise-my favorite source of comfort is President Joseph B Wirthlins talk from October Conference 2008, "Come What May and Love it."  Things over the weekend kinda spiraled downhill, so keep my family in your prayers please.  But in the meantime, here's my favorite quotes and my thoughts on them from Elder Wirthlins Talk, cuz I need a reminder-

"Learning to endure times of disappointment, suffering, and sorrow is part of our on-the-job training. These experiences, while often difficult to bear at the time, are precisely the kinds of experiences that stretch our understanding, build our character, and increase our compassion for others."

"Sometimes the very moments that seem to overcome us with suffering are those that will ultimately suffer us to overcome."

"The third thing we can do is understand the principle of compensation. The Lord compensates the faithful for every loss. That which is taken away from those who love the Lord will be added unto them in His own way. While it may not come at the time we desire, the faithful will know that every tear today will eventually be returned a hundredfold with tears of rejoicing and gratitude."

"He who descended below all things will come to our aid. He will comfort and uphold us. He will strengthen us in our weakness and fortify us in our distress. He will make weak things become strong."

 "The simple secret is this: put your trust in the Lord, do your best, then leave the rest to Him.”

Photo At Top By my Cousin, Anna Elmer

The painting of Christ is by Artist Del Parson

The Inner Child

Its interesting, this nanny thing.  Like, I've always thought the life of stay at home mom was so glamourous.  When I was little, I dreamed of being mommy.  I was the pro babysitter-high in demand.  The kids loved me, I loved them, and 3 hrs while the parents went out for dinner and a movie just wasn't enough playtime for their kids or me.  Granted, as I'm not a stay at home mom, so this is all just observation, but, I'm discovering that it really is not glamourous at all.  In fact its kinda rough.  As nanny, I'm having a challenge with keeping just one, six year old boy entertained.  This kid constantly tests my creativity, my patience, my energy levels, my tolerance, and even in some cases my capacity for tenderness and love.  I was SO humbled on Saturday, we went to the Redwoods, and Alex fell down, twice. The first time, he barely scratched himself but cried and cried, granted, yes, falling down hurts but I was just thinking "seriously? Toughen up already!"  And then the 2nd time he fell, he busted skin and had a big drip of blood coming down.  He was dramatic and whiney and said he couldn't walk.  I was trying to be like "Hey battle wounds!  This is worth bragging about!"  But he wasn't buying it....finally, Travis-my dear wonderful patient Travis hoisted this big 6 yr old onto his shoulders and carried him part of the way.  I felt so un-compassionate.  I guess we forget what its like to be 6, and what it really is like to think that a bleeding knee is the end of the world.

Back to the glamour topic, I think the mothers who I've met through Sids ward, who invite me and Alex to play groups-have become my heros.  They're selflessness for their children is again, very humbling.  While talking to sis Andrus, it hit me how right now with my situation, when conversing with these mothers, life sounds so exciting, I'm young, I'm in school, making something of myself, I dance, I study, I travel to this place and that place, I'm just at that place where all the doors are opened to me.  But, I hope someday, when my time for motherhood comes, I can be like these mothers.  I really do hope and pray that theres some special power given from on high to us when we become mothers, because even though they say that the nurturing characteristic is just part of womanhood, I know that that alone won't be enough.  For me.  I used to think "Kids, no problem, I got this."  But its harder than it looks, no matter how much babysitting I did when I was 12.

After Travis put Alex back on the ground Saturday, I talked to Travis about it, and he said "Well, I guess I'm still just a big kid."  And I think he has a point.  I was better with Kids when I was more like the kids.  So, my goal is to rediscover my inner child.  How am I going to do this, and stay in touch with it for years to come?  Instead of watching the kids play on the trampoline and sprinkler, I'm gonna hop on with them.  I'm going to chase the ice cream truck, and ride my bike around and around and around the block cuz thats as far as we're allowed to go.  I'm gonna play at the park and paint my toes in fun bright colors!  I'm Going to collect all the catepillers and lady bugs I can find.  I will take time to hunt through the 4 leaf clover patch, and turn my music up loud and sing and dance like noone else is home.  I'm going to wear my sheets like I'm in ancient egypt or rome, and make popsicles in ice cube trays, and be daring and adventurous.  I'm gonna cover my bed in a massive arrangement of Teddybears and pillows and name everyone of them.

And this is just starters!

6 days and counting!

In 6 days, Travis and I fly to California.  Why might you ask?  Because he will become a Jedi this summer at the Lucas Film Jedi internship, and I will be playingwith Nanny-ing my 6 yr old cousin and dancing.  Hehehehehe!  I can't wait!  Some of the things I will be doing:

My uncle Sid said that he has a friend who works at some stables-we could go ride horses everyday if we wanted!  I'll be able to ride like this when we're done.

Sid also Lives 3 miles away from an Arthur Murray Dance Studio, I've emailed them and got my appointment for my first lesson set up :D

Some of ^This^ too.  :)

I hope lots of this

But don't worry, I'll be their best customer: 

I'd love to see these:

I'll keep you posted.  

Tuesdays With Morrie

Sometimes, I get on myself, because I see all this sadness around me, and I want to cry but I feel like I'm supposed to be strong, be faithful-but even Jesus wept.

I think Mitch Albom put it best as he quoted Morrie in his book, Tuesdays with Morrie
"I give myself a good cry if I need it. But then I concentrate on the good things still in my life. I don't allow myself any more self-pity than that. A little each every morning, a few tears, and that's all. "  
  

Happy Birthday Dad!

Its a tender topic, and so many emotions and feelings run around with this special sacred spot in my heart.  I think of him more often now than I think I ever have before.  I see other girls and their dads, and I just miss him so much.  Today is my dad's 52nd Birthday-but 12 years ago he was in a fatal accident at work.  In honor of him on his birthday, I just wanted to share:

In his patriarchle Blessing, it says "...thy home shall be a home filled with Sunshine, with joy and peace and harmony; thy children shall grow and nurture righteousness, and they shall rejoice for having you as their father..."
I must say, I feel that that promise has been fufilled.  Though not always were we harmonious growing up, I think we do love eachother, and we love our father.  And though some of the other blessings in his blessing confused me at first, I reread mine, and one of the first things it says to me is "I bless thee to know that thy Father is found among the great and Noble."

I sure miss him alot, and I do wish that I could have him here to guide me-especially at this hard scary time in my life, but I know that God has his purposes.  I know, that my family is eternal-and I know that I will see my Father again.  It makes it a little easier to be apart for so long.

I love this song when I'm sad, and I might be a little sad right now, but here ya go:

http://www.lds.org/churchmusic/detailmusicPlayer/index.html?searchlanguage=1&searchcollection=1&searchseqstart=285&searchsubseqstart=%20&searchseqend=285&searchsubseqend=ZZZ

Please, for those who knew him, leave memories of him in the comments.   :)  I like to hear the stories.  I only knew him for 8 years!

Oh What a beautiful morning!

Actually, this morning was NOT very pretty.  IT was drab and gray and not at all like the last few mornings, and I almost let that get me down.  But, Victory!  I'm in high spirits!  I guess It started with last week and my long overdue attitude adjustment.  Cuz guess what, when you become appriciative of all your blessings that you generally take for granted, Heavenly Father is so much more willing to bless you more!

Its reminds me of this one time, my 2nd semester at school in Idaho-all my roommates were kinda neat freaks.  Erin admitted to just not looking in my room (she also admitted to being a bit compulsive, and having to have everything at right angles and in its proper place) but all of them, Emilia, Dana,  Erin, and Raquel were pretty good at tidying up.  I like to think that I'm pretty good about it, I don't have anything growing, just mostly lazy as far as putting clothes into a hamper and papers in a nice pile.....and I don't make my bed much either (working on that right now).  Anyways, there was this one sunday when everything was adding up, and I was stressed about my to do list-on the top of the list was teaching RS lesson that day-on come what may and love it.  On my way out the door, the stupid toilet overflowed-which I cleaned up but in a rush job.  I knew when I got home from church I needed to mop the floor with bleach water.  So, after church though, a million other things came up, and it was getting late and I still hadn't had time to bleach the floor, and Dana and Erin were being kinda obnoxious reminding me about it, and so when I finally was able to start it, they made a huge deal about oh FINALLY and blah blah blah and it was just SUPER Frustrating.  I had the attitude, if you wanted it done 5 hrs ago, you could've done it.  And its not like they were walking on the floor directly, in the meantime I laid down my clean towels-so I was annoyed because I was doing the best I could and they didn't seem very appriciative or helpful.  Anyways, the next day, when I got back from class, I found on my desk a note from our dear sweet Erin-expressing apology and grattitude for the night before.   I'll tell ya what, it changed my attitude, and from then on out, I was much more willing to do more of my share, and to make those sorts of things more of a priority.  Moral of the story:  Same goes for HEavenly Father.

As evidence of this gratitude blessings principal, let me tell you what has happened in the short week since my attitude adjustment.
First, right away I was happier.  And that directly affected my relationships-there were some apolgies I needed to give out to several people whom I love.  And, though they had some fault also, It didn't matter so much to me, and it still doesn't.  I feel better because I know that part of the problem was me, and I'm taking actions to fix it and make it better.  Heavenly Father helped me to see that.
Second, going to work ( I might have shared this already) I found myself perfectly content.  I havn't really liked my job since I started it a year ago-theres some perks, but several times I was ready to quite.  However, I don't hate it so much.  Again, attitude adjustment, even though I don't plan to be at the car rental for forever, and people there still do obnoxious things, it doesn't bother me so much.  Cuz, that doesn't really matter.
Third, several peices of life fell into place.  I know what I'm doing for school.  And, I'm doing it in half the time I thought it would take!  Also, I know how to accomplish my dance goals, and I'm more confident in my ability to accomplish them.  I learned of several oppoutunities last week-I'll be in Livermore Cali this summer, and living w/my uncle so I can nanny my cousin, and theres a dance studio 3 miles away.  :)  LOVE IT!  I'm not sure on details but I want to either intern there, work there, or just take classes there.  Get some expirience so that when I come back to Fairbanks next fall, I can try and teach some classes!  Then theres another studio that I want to go work with after I finnish the MA program, and from what I read, it sounds like after working with them for 3 yrs, your practically ready to open your own studio franchise!  Sounds like my cup of tea!  Woohoo!
Fourth, Conflicts and problems that arose during the week jsut didn't fase me as much.  I still have concerns and worries, but they're not as big a deal now, because I know that Heavenly Father loves me, and that conflicts and worries are part of mortality.  The other Part of Mortality is living happily in spite of them.  And so thats What I'm gonna try and do.  So, YAHOO!
Its just interesting to me that all these little peices came together only after I gave thanks for my blessings.  I'm certain it had everything to do with that.  It was no coincedence.  I've been trying to figure it all out for a LONG time, the last time I felt so certain and sure and happy about everything was......a while ago.  I used to think that the summer after my graduation wasthe happiest time of my life, but in retrospect, the happiest times of my life are the times I'm being thankful for what i have.  The times when I'm unhappy is when I'm not focusing on my blessings, or the things that I presently have.  One of my weaknesses is to get down on myself because I get ahead of myself.  I wish for things to be in this perfect happy state that will happen eventually-but if your so fucused on eventuallies, you can't truly appriciate or enjoy now.  And now, is glorious.  Now is hard, but beautiful and exciting.  Why should I wish I could just fast foward to when things will be like I've always dreamed they would be?  Half the excitment of life is the anticipation of how it will be-so enjoy that anticipation.   Things never seem to turn out the way I expect them to anyways, so when I do get to where I want to be, I'll be a different person and will want something else, so if I'm to be happy, I gotta enjoy now.   I guess thats it.

Attitude Adjustment

Mkay, So, the last few months have been rocky.  I couldn't figure it out.  Then, between Sunday night and Tuesday morning it all slowly peiced itself together and I had some amazing slap in the face sort of moments-where all my questions and concerns and worries came crashing to understanding and peace and Joy.  OY!  I love it, its amazing to me how much my attitude rolls over to the rest of my life.  How, it can twist my understanding of a situation and thus allow my to either be miserable or totally at peace with life the way it is.

Once such understanding that came to light and really just struck a chord it never quite touched before-was about the idea of Perfection.  I'm not perfect and no matter how hard I try, I'm not going to be perfect-yet.  Someday, after I leave this mortal life, long into the eternities, I have hope for becoming perfect like my Heavenly Father.   I think I understood that, but I didn't really register it on the radar of my happiness.

Another thing that I realized:  Things are hard, and things aren't what I want them to be like all the time.  But they are just as they are supposed to be as long as I'm doing my best.

And one Last thing to document:  When stressed or worried, its because I'm failing to recognize my blessings.  When I stop and quit fretting about things not being how I want them, and think about all that is good and precious to me, I know that I am the richest person on earth.  And, I can be happy.  Not in spite of my worries and troubles, but with my worries and troubles, and because of my worries and troubles.

I love this song now with more understanding and appriciation than ever before:

When upon life’s billows you are tempest-tossed,
When you are discouraged, thinking all is lost,
Count your many blessings; name them one by one,
And it will surprise you what the Lord has done. 

Count your blessings;
Name them one by one.
Count your blessings;
See what God hath done.
Count your blessings;
Name them one by one.
Count your many blessings;
See what God hath done. 

Are you ever burdened with a load of care?
Does the cross seem heavy you are called to bear?
Count your many blessings; every doubt will fly,
And you will be singing as the days go by. 

So amid the conflict, whether great or small,
Do not be discouraged; God is over all.
Count your many blessings; angels will attend,
Help and comfort give you to your journey’s end.

And this one:

There is sunshine in my soul today,
More glorious and bright
Than glows in any earthly sky,
For Jesus is my light.

Oh, there’s sunshine, blessed sunshine
When the peaceful happy moments roll.
When Jesus shows his smiling face,
There is sunshine in the soul.

There is music in my soul today,
A carol to my King,
And Jesus listening can hear
The songs I cannot sing.

Oh, there’s sunshine, blessed sunshine
When the peaceful happy moments roll.
When Jesus shows his smiling face,
There is sunshine in the soul.

There is springtime in my soul today,
For when the Lord is near,
The dove of peace sings in my heart,
The flow’rs of grace appear.

Oh, there’s sunshine, blessed sunshine
When the peaceful happy moments roll.
When Jesus shows his smiling face,
There is sunshine in the soul.

There is gladness in my soul today,
And hope and praise and love,
For blessings which he gives me now,
For joys “laid up” above.