Its interesting, this nanny thing. Like, I've always thought the life of stay at home mom was so glamourous. When I was little, I dreamed of being mommy. I was the pro babysitter-high in demand. The kids loved me, I loved them, and 3 hrs while the parents went out for dinner and a movie just wasn't enough playtime for their kids or me. Granted, as I'm not a stay at home mom, so this is all just observation, but, I'm discovering that it really is not glamourous at all. In fact its kinda rough. As nanny, I'm having a challenge with keeping just one, six year old boy entertained. This kid constantly tests my creativity, my patience, my energy levels, my tolerance, and even in some cases my capacity for tenderness and love. I was SO humbled on Saturday, we went to the Redwoods, and Alex fell down, twice. The first time, he barely scratched himself but cried and cried, granted, yes, falling down hurts but I was just thinking "seriously? Toughen up already!" And then the 2nd time he fell, he busted skin and had a big drip of blood coming down. He was dramatic and whiney and said he couldn't walk. I was trying to be like "Hey battle wounds! This is worth bragging about!" But he wasn't buying it....finally, Travis-my dear wonderful patient Travis hoisted this big 6 yr old onto his shoulders and carried him part of the way. I felt so un-compassionate. I guess we forget what its like to be 6, and what it really is like to think that a bleeding knee is the end of the world.
Back to the glamour topic, I think the mothers who I've met through Sids ward, who invite me and Alex to play groups-have become my heros. They're selflessness for their children is again, very humbling. While talking to sis Andrus, it hit me how right now with my situation, when conversing with these mothers, life sounds so exciting, I'm young, I'm in school, making something of myself, I dance, I study, I travel to this place and that place, I'm just at that place where all the doors are opened to me. But, I hope someday, when my time for motherhood comes, I can be like these mothers. I really do hope and pray that theres some special power given from on high to us when we become mothers, because even though they say that the nurturing characteristic is just part of womanhood, I know that that alone won't be enough. For me. I used to think "Kids, no problem, I got this." But its harder than it looks, no matter how much babysitting I did when I was 12.
After Travis put Alex back on the ground Saturday, I talked to Travis about it, and he said "Well, I guess I'm still just a big kid." And I think he has a point. I was better with Kids when I was more like the kids. So, my goal is to rediscover my inner child. How am I going to do this, and stay in touch with it for years to come? Instead of watching the kids play on the trampoline and sprinkler, I'm gonna hop on with them. I'm going to chase the ice cream truck, and ride my bike around and around and around the block cuz thats as far as we're allowed to go. I'm gonna play at the park and paint my toes in fun bright colors! I'm Going to collect all the catepillers and lady bugs I can find. I will take time to hunt through the 4 leaf clover patch, and turn my music up loud and sing and dance like noone else is home. I'm going to wear my sheets like I'm in ancient egypt or rome, and make popsicles in ice cube trays, and be daring and adventurous. I'm gonna cover my bed in a massive arrangement of Teddybears and pillows and name everyone of them.
And this is just starters!
