Actually, this morning was NOT very pretty. IT was drab and gray and not at all like the last few mornings, and I almost let that get me down. But, Victory! I'm in high spirits! I guess It started with last week and my long overdue attitude adjustment. Cuz guess what, when you become appriciative of all your blessings that you generally take for granted, Heavenly Father is so much more willing to bless you more!
Its reminds me of this one time, my 2nd semester at school in Idaho-all my roommates were kinda neat freaks. Erin admitted to just not looking in my room (she also admitted to being a bit compulsive, and having to have everything at right angles and in its proper place) but all of them, Emilia, Dana, Erin, and Raquel were pretty good at tidying up. I like to think that I'm pretty good about it, I don't have anything growing, just mostly lazy as far as putting clothes into a hamper and papers in a nice pile.....and I don't make my bed much either (working on that right now). Anyways, there was this one sunday when everything was adding up, and I was stressed about my to do list-on the top of the list was teaching RS lesson that day-on come what may and love it. On my way out the door, the stupid toilet overflowed-which I cleaned up but in a rush job. I knew when I got home from church I needed to mop the floor with bleach water. So, after church though, a million other things came up, and it was getting late and I still hadn't had time to bleach the floor, and Dana and Erin were being kinda obnoxious reminding me about it, and so when I finally was able to start it, they made a huge deal about oh FINALLY and blah blah blah and it was just SUPER Frustrating. I had the attitude, if you wanted it done 5 hrs ago, you could've done it. And its not like they were walking on the floor directly, in the meantime I laid down my clean towels-so I was annoyed because I was doing the best I could and they didn't seem very appriciative or helpful. Anyways, the next day, when I got back from class, I found on my desk a note from our dear sweet Erin-expressing apology and grattitude for the night before. I'll tell ya what, it changed my attitude, and from then on out, I was much more willing to do more of my share, and to make those sorts of things more of a priority. Moral of the story: Same goes for HEavenly Father.
As evidence of this gratitude blessings principal, let me tell you what has happened in the short week since my attitude adjustment.
First, right away I was happier. And that directly affected my relationships-there were some apolgies I needed to give out to several people whom I love. And, though they had some fault also, It didn't matter so much to me, and it still doesn't. I feel better because I know that part of the problem was me, and I'm taking actions to fix it and make it better. Heavenly Father helped me to see that.
Second, going to work ( I might have shared this already) I found myself perfectly content. I havn't really liked my job since I started it a year ago-theres some perks, but several times I was ready to quite. However, I don't hate it so much. Again, attitude adjustment, even though I don't plan to be at the car rental for forever, and people there still do obnoxious things, it doesn't bother me so much. Cuz, that doesn't really matter.
Third, several peices of life fell into place. I know what I'm doing for school. And, I'm doing it in half the time I thought it would take! Also, I know how to accomplish my dance goals, and I'm more confident in my ability to accomplish them. I learned of several oppoutunities last week-I'll be in Livermore Cali this summer, and living w/my uncle so I can nanny my cousin, and theres a dance studio 3 miles away. :) LOVE IT! I'm not sure on details but I want to either intern there, work there, or just take classes there. Get some expirience so that when I come back to Fairbanks next fall, I can try and teach some classes! Then theres another studio that I want to go work with after I finnish the MA program, and from what I read, it sounds like after working with them for 3 yrs, your practically ready to open your own studio franchise! Sounds like my cup of tea! Woohoo!
Fourth, Conflicts and problems that arose during the week jsut didn't fase me as much. I still have concerns and worries, but they're not as big a deal now, because I know that Heavenly Father loves me, and that conflicts and worries are part of mortality. The other Part of Mortality is living happily in spite of them. And so thats What I'm gonna try and do. So, YAHOO!
Its just interesting to me that all these little peices came together only after I gave thanks for my blessings. I'm certain it had everything to do with that. It was no coincedence. I've been trying to figure it all out for a LONG time, the last time I felt so certain and sure and happy about everything was......a while ago. I used to think that the summer after my graduation wasthe happiest time of my life, but in retrospect, the happiest times of my life are the times I'm being thankful for what i have. The times when I'm unhappy is when I'm not focusing on my blessings, or the things that I presently have. One of my weaknesses is to get down on myself because I get ahead of myself. I wish for things to be in this perfect happy state that will happen eventually-but if your so fucused on eventuallies, you can't truly appriciate or enjoy now. And now, is glorious. Now is hard, but beautiful and exciting. Why should I wish I could just fast foward to when things will be like I've always dreamed they would be? Half the excitment of life is the anticipation of how it will be-so enjoy that anticipation. Things never seem to turn out the way I expect them to anyways, so when I do get to where I want to be, I'll be a different person and will want something else, so if I'm to be happy, I gotta enjoy now. I guess thats it.
Or give me a quick pinch or something-I've started daydreaming!!! On the drive home from Travis' house this evening, I started daydreaming-I could just picture the scene:
