okay, so that last blog was mostly about This upcoming summer and now, so onto the then part. I guess lately I've jsut been sentimental. Nostalogic? Idk. It started with Travis asking me a question--no not the question--I guess he was actually stating how he wishes sometimes that life were as easy as it was when we were little, before responsibility came into the picture and all that good stuff. And It just got me thinking about everything-I mean everything. That day we shared some of our earliest memories. I've attempted multiple times to record some of them I've had just since that chat, but I haven't been able to put it into context. So, we'll save that for another blog. But, what I want to get out now is just how everything comes back full circle. When Amanda and Jordan were first married they lived in this apartment above the warehouse where our dad died. Sue Hull, Amanda's mother in law at first said that it wasn't an option for them because it would be too hard for Amanda but she stood up and said no, its coming full circle. I think theres a point when everything we go to begins to tie together and make sense. I used to think Amanda was crazy, but now this coming full circle is gaining new meaning to me. Its interesting how if you asked me a year ago who I would want to have in the place where my dad would be in the temple is, the last name I would have given you is Rulon Jensen. Now, I can't think of anyone else I would rather have there. Its interesting how Fairbanks, the place where all my darkest expiriences have happened, would hold the sweetest memories in my heart. Travis another day commented on how strange it is for him to think that all my memories are here in this town-he grew up in an Army family and has been all over the world-but I lived in once place. My address only changed when I lived in Idaho a grand total of 28 weeks-coming home to 50 below that first Christmas was the greatest feeling as I drove down my road with the snow covered trees bending inward creating a winter snowtunnel-sparkly pure white snow. And then as I was reminsing the other day I looked out my window to my familiar backyard, remembering other times I looked out my window, longing for things to be better. Wishing I had greater understanding of this confusing thing we call life. My room I sleep in now, is the only room that survived the remodeling of our home with the same wall measurements and arrangements, its also the same room I was in when my mom and my aunt and my grama and Uncle came home from the hospital when my dad was taken off the life support. Its the same room Robin and I kept clean for three months so we could get tree frogs. It used to have a smaller window, and a white bookshelf was under it, which was great for climbing so I could see out the window-or so me and Robin could spy on our aunt Renee while she kissed boys out in the swing set we called the "Love shack." Today in another convo with Travis, he got me thinking about my dad. I only remember the stories people tell me, but now as I'm older I can appriciate them better-to the point where I know that Travis would have loved my dad and my dad would have loved Travis. I know it not just because I loved my dad and still think of him the way any 8 year old would (forgive me but those are the only memories that I can call mine) but because I understand them both.
Man, usually I don't start thinking about these things this much till May comes around-but I guess sometimes I really just wish he was here. I know the Lord has blessed us and that he has his reasons for letting us face the trials we have, but I guess like Travis said, sometimes I just wish I could be young and carefree again. Go back to the time when I didn't know pain or grief or responsibility. I've always been pretty happy with where I'm at though-and I do look forward to all the exciting things life has instore. I guess I've learned enough that I can also look forward to my trials. Doesn't mean I'll enjoy them, but I know that I'm capable and I know that through them I'll discover the greatest joy because there is oppostition in all things. We can't know sweet if there isn't any bitter in opposition to it.
I love my Saviour Jesus Christ, and my Father in Heaven. I know that they love me and help me. I know that families can be together forever. I'm so proud of my sisters-Robin and Amanda and the examples they are to me. And so thankful for my dear Mother who is ever enduring-she amazes me and teaches me by her example. Also for my sweet stepfather who always does what he can to help, to make things better and make things right and expects the best from me. I love my precious beautiful baby sister who though she has a hard time listening is a walking miracle and a testimony of our Father and Saviours love, and my sweet sweet little brother who brightens up any day. I'm greatful for friends with whom I can connect and learn from-that always see the best in me, and love me despite my worst. I hope to someday become at least half of what they all expect of me-cuz that person would be pretty awesome. Lastly, I'll just declare how much I love and appriciate Travis and his wonderful patience, kindness, tenderness and humor. He makes me happy.
With that, I call it a night.
Love, Melanie
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