Reflections of a First Time First Responder

I was thinking about wedding photographers, and what me and Travis were going to have for dinner.
My back was to the entry door of the OIT office
I hardly heard the person when he came in
Something along the lines of:
"do any of you have Medical Knowledge?  A Man collapsed"
I look at Travis about to say "what?" before the statements registered
(something I do often, I hear then I ask to have it repeated as I process the info into comprehension.)

He looks at me and says "GO"

Finally the words processed and I stand up to see what I can do
I round the corner with my eyes wide like a deer in the headlights
"I know CPR"
What did I just say I can help with?
"What Happened?" I asked

"He fell"

Theres spit bubbling out of his mouth
He's laying on his back

"Hello, are you there?"  "Can you hear me?"
I look him over, wondering "What can I do?"
I hear his raspy breathing, labored, from feet away
"Uhhhh Recovery postition, we need to get him on his side"
"Help me get him on his side"
"Lets put this backpack under his head"
"Yes there"
I turn, thinking what am I doing?  Whats next?  911?
At the desk I see they are on the line
I shout he's "foaming at the mouth, but he's breathing" They relay it to the dispatcher, and she says to turn him on his side
whew, done.
Okay, what now?
The guy behind me says he's not breathing enough, we need to open his jaw
I think "shut up"  he's breathing, thats good enough for me
I check for a pulse
Its strong
I can't do anymore
Theres all this commotion and his eyes keep fluttering open and closed
If he can hear us we are probably scaring him
"With all this noise can't be good now can it, you'r gonna be fine"
I carressed his hand, I don't know if he could hear me, feel me, but if I were laying on the floor I want someone to tell me I'm going to be okay.  I don't want a big commotion. Just assurance.  So thats all thats left for me to do


The EMT's show up, and say he probably had a seizure, theres a refractory period, he'll be tired and groggy and he'll come to in a few minutes.  Then we'll know how to pronounce his name and he'll yell at us for having it wrong.  (I'm glad now that he was able to make the joke, I just got it)
Makes sense, I stand up, get out of their way
they took his blood pressure, I only heard the 2nd number, 50.  Low, but not too bad.  I wonder what that top number was?
I look at the scene now as the bystander, and my heart breaks.
He was just at the library studying.  What happens that causes such a commotion?
"You did good" they tell me
And my eyes well up with tears
Why is this so terrible?  He's going to be fine-
Can I handle this all the time?  This is what I'll be dealing with-why am I going into medicine?  Who am I to know what to do?  I start to cry so I double check with the EMT's, "You got this?" and they say "yes, thank you" and I leave to go to the bathroom. My eyes are bloodshot and welling up, I'm shaking.  I leave to get water praying I won't pass anyone in the hallways-I don't want a fuss. I want to be reassured.  I head back to the bathroom to try and compose myself.

I go back to the OIT office, and the evening goes on.